Maria de la Rosa

One can't really have a Travis without a Maria, and I'm not sure they'd let you if you tried. And so ... Maria, who watched over Travis (and Reg) on the Boiler Tour.

Bernard De Witt: Maria doesn't like other women. I think she's crazy, but I didn't say it aloud. I like them. And I'm sure she has her reasons. I wasn't about to argue with her about it.

There was something about her. Something familiar. Maybe it's because ... I don't know. But I knew she needed those stripes from the moment I saw her. And, just so you know, those are actually a funny shade or orange rather than pink. True story. And to my amazement, she loved them! She even decided to keep them after the tour is over. That's one for me!

So she, like Travis, was a bitch and a half to photograph. He messed with the images ... not on purpose or anything. But, oh no, not her. She just set cameras on fire. Yep. On fire. Hairspray would also ignite if she sneezed. Not quite sure how that worked, but there you have it. And, unlike Travis, she didn't apologize. She'd just say "I told you not to point that camera at me. Not my fault you didn't listen." We got this image the way we got his. It's a reflection in a mirror when she wasn't paying attention.

I really liked her very much. She could throw down with the best of the men and could belch the best of us under the table. It takes a real woman to be able to do all that stuff and still manage to register as female. But she did.

It actually got into my head to try to *ahem* ... get a little closer to her. But then I realized what was going on. When she and Travis swap those soul-blistering insults ... I think it's their way of saying "I love you". And, let me tell you, you have to be really secure in your relationship to go about it that way. I pride myself on being as crass as I am charming and I'm not sure I could take it. I'm really going to miss her.

Oh yeah ... quick story about that costume. When Matt asked her what she wanted she said: "Take a female figure from my childhood, rough her up a little, teach her to fight back and how to swear, then give her lots of money. I want what she's wearing." Matt grinned like an idiot and got to work. He didn't disappoint. This is what happened to Rose Petal. (I didn't think he even knew about that!) He said: "And some of it came from Strawberry Shortcake's closet. But that's what happens when a bitch doesn't pay up." That made Maria laugh until she cried. Well played, Matt.

Reg Lahey: I think I spent more time with Maria than was proportionately correct. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. It's odd. I wanted so badly to have Travis with me. But I didn't think it was her I'd end up getting to know better.

We could just talk. And we actually have quite a lot in common. Completely absent Irish fathers is a big one. I know the name of mine ... she doesn't even have that. Crazy mothers for second. Though, I think, her's was worse than mine. As she put it "I was raised by my biggest bully". Ouch. But I kind of understood that. It's entirely possible that I am now closer to her than any woman outside of Lisa and Dulcinee. And from someone with my hangups, that's really something.

And I knew Travis could sing. You'd have to be a rock to not know that. So imagine my surprise when she opened up in Tokyo and that raspy, throaty, soulful sound came out! She said Travis had been teaching her ... but he looked as surprised as I did. So there's no telling where that came from.

We spent one of the extra nights in Tokyo in a little meeting room in the hotel, just she and I uninterrupted. She sang and I played the piano that was in there (after I tuned it ... she just laughed at me until I was finished). I wrote a song for her that I will never sing. It's hers. It has become very important for me to keep in touch with her.

And, for any freaks of nature who would even *think* to suggest that anything untoward happened: Shame on you. You should know me better than that by now.

Maria de la Rosa, Travis Isola, Bernard De Witt, Matt Vitae, Dulcinee de Vignolles, Reg and Lisa Lahey, Boiler Tour, costume design and art (C) *NuisanceBearEull
Rose Petal (C) Kenner
Strawberry Shortcake (C) American Greetings